These past few months, I have been going through life day by day, existing from one day to the next, with little or no planning for what lies ahead. On Monday it seems like Friday is so far away. While in fact, on a Monday the last Friday was only four days ago.
I really have to get my act together. I must plan for the future, and stick to my plans. That is the most important part. I’ve tried this before, this planning ahead thing. It’s like all my other get-organized-quick schemes: they don’t last long. I have an inspirational moment where I realize what I need to be doing to get organized, then I prepare for it (getting planners, making to-do lists, putting my school work into new folders), then I put it into action for a few days, a week at the most. Every time I am so enthusiastic about my new organizational plan, but it always dies down after a very short amount of time.
Does that mean I am flighty, careless, lazy, or unable to finish anything I start? I don’t think so, but I really don’t know. I have tried so many times to fix this disorganization problem of mine, so that must mean I have the desire to become more organized. But because my efforts never go anywhere, it does give the impression of ADD.
Well that’s not too surprising, because I do have ADHD. I get distracted from my homework and other things that I need to do, and end up doing the things that I want to do. But I can’t blame my diagnosis on that. ADHD isn’t an excuse for being disorganized. It’s me and me alone who can change it. I just need to put my mind to it.
Today’s exams were okay. I probably got a B, I might have gotten an A. But I would have been much more confident in myself if I had studied beforehand.
Another reason why I don’t study as much or as well as I should, is that I don’t know how to study. I know, I know, that isn’t an excuse. But how the heck am I supposed to study for a test? Even if I have all the notes, worksheets, and papers that we used in class to learn the topic that is being tested, I don’t know what to do with them. Do I just read them over again? Do I write them out? Should I have a notebook just for studying? What do I do to prepare for a test?
Homework is more clear-cut. My teacher gives an assignment, she says “read this, write this down, do these problems, fill out this worksheet, etc.” I can do homework, no problem. But if a teacher says to a class “there’s a test tomorrow, study for it,” I don’t know what to do. If the instructions were clearer and more precise, I would be able to study for the test without a problem.
I think that’s probably an Aspergers thing. People with Aspergers have trouble understanding vague directions or ideas. Everything has to be specific, clear and obvious for us to understand it. That’s why being told to “study” by a teacher leaves me sitting there confused.
I know it isn’t the teacher’s business to tell me exactly how to study. That would be almost like giving me the answers. Teachers want their students to know the answers through participation in class, listening to the teacher, and studying. The first two are easy. I love school; I raise my hand and participate all the time. It’s just studying that stumps me. If only teachers were clearer about what they want me to do to study, I would do much better in school.
Now it sounds like I am blaming my inability to study on Aspergers Syndrome. True, it’s not the only reason, but it’s a major factor. I must get around this roadblock in my way and learn to study. I will get rid of distractions and try to study with my ADHD. I will make my own specific instructions, imagining what the teachers would say if they were specific enough. In that way I will get around Aspergers. I can do this! I am optimistic for my future.
Now I just have to carry my plans into action for the rest f exam week! J
